Today I have been feeling frustration. I battled it.
And battled it.
And battled it.
There are things I want to do. There are things I need to do. And I cannot do them. And each time I tried and it didn’t work or pain shot through my limb, I found myself facing frustration again.
I started to wonder if being frustrated is a sin. I had a hunch it might be but wasn’t positive. So I did what any 21st century human being would do. I googled it. And I got a website that rang familiar to me. Respectable Sins. I’ve read that book. I own that book. I didn’t feel like getting up to get it, so I just read the excerpt on the website. The author, Jerry Bridges, believes that feeling frustration and being frustrated are two different things. The former, he writes, is not a sin. The latter, though, is. This was quite intriguing. I read on. The more I read, the more I agreed with his beliefs. It is natural to feel frustration for me–I can’t function right now like I used to be able to. But, to give in to it, to become FRUSTRATED, means I have taken my eyes off God and put them on my problem. Yes. I spent much of the day doing that.
What to do?
I turned to one of the things I know that puts my mind back on God. Music. Music that lifts the name of God high. Music that praises him in spite of my feelings and disability and pain. Music that fills me with joy knowing God IS in control of even this. Gradually, my frustration faded. It was replaced with gratitude. Gratitude that I am still able to do many things. It may take me longer to do them, but I can do them none the less. Gratitude for medicines that curb some of the problems–even though I hate taking them. Gratitude that I have an amazing husband who lets me cry when I need to and will always do the dishes for me.
Frustration knocked several times today. I just stopped answering the door.