For a night

Last night was not good.

It has been a long time since I have felt so down. I felt like a heavy darkness was hanging over me. My mind raced with thoughts:

“What if my circumstances don’t change?”

“What if they get worse?”

“What if…”

I could not stop the tears. Like the rain that was falling outside, my tears were soaking.

At 3:00 AM there isn’t a plethora of people available to talk to. The loneliness slapped me like the rain slapped the window pane.

“God,” I cried, “I KNOW you got this. I KNOW you see and care and love. I know you can heal. Why aren’t you?”

The only response was the rain.

Out of sheer exhaustion I finally fell asleep. Interesting, though, that when I woke up, the rain outside was still falling, but the storm inside my heart was calmed. I still wasn’t healed. In the light of the morning, though, that was okay. In the few hours of sleep I was granted, God ministered to my hurting, lonely soul. He comforted whilst I was unaware of His workings.  My faith was strengthened. My determination renewed.

“…weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5b)

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About becmom45

Wife of one, mom of four, mom-in-law to two, grammy to one precious little boy; lover of snow, autumn, pumpkins, cats, books, baking, Charles Wysocki puzzles, Christmas; honest, raw author who hopes what is written here enlightens and educates those fortunate enough to not understand the demons chronicled.
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