Unwanted hiatus

I love writing. I have a wonderful journal that has owls all over it. I love birds too. Every evening I sit and write in my journal about my day. I include things I may want to reference at a future date. For example, today I would write down that the Christmas lights were put up on the screen house frame. Sometimes it comes in handy to know when that was done in case next year I am wondering, “When did I do that last year?” Is it too early?” (Although for me it is NEVER too early to decorate for Christmas.)

I haven’t been able to write in my journal for a week now.

I have also grown to love typing in this journal format called blogging. It helps me to be able to backspace when I don’t think I said something quite right. Blogging also includes thoughts and observations that I wish to share whereas my owl journal often contains things only I would care about or that I would want only me eyes to read.

I haven’t been able to type much either.

Last week, I lost the use of my right hand. I am right handed. That makes it difficult to write or type much. Typing is easier since I can hit keys with my left hand and the letters are very readable. I am getting better at writing with my left hand, but it is still obvious that it is not my stronger hand.

I am praying, as are others, that this is a temporary loss. Believe me when I say that the what-if fears have tried very hard to weasel their way into my thinking. I have entertained these thoughts. It was not a good thing to do. Fear is a powerful thing when given free reign in a mind. I am thankful for those who are praying for me, especially in the darkest of times when my mind isn’t thinking as clearly as I know it should. I have felt the shame of allowing those times to linger. As I told our pastor, I felt like a failure after giving into those fears and not trusting God. The truth is, I do believe God’s got this; He is in control and has a purpose and I TRUST Him.  Sometimes, though, it is comforting to know that others are praying the same things for me. I am so thankful for these friends. 🙂

All that said, my writings will have to be sporadic until things improve. I am believing they will improve. I just don’t know how or when. God does though. As my left hand has developed a tremor, I wonder if it is of the same reason or maybe because it is being asked of so much more than it is used to giving? Regardless, I write as a therapy and don’t plan on stopping. I just need to spread entries out more and make them shorter. Not an easy task for one who has so many words to say.


About becmom45

Wife of one, mom of four, mom-in-law to two, grammy to one precious little boy; lover of snow, autumn, pumpkins, cats, books, baking, Charles Wysocki puzzles, Christmas; honest, raw author who hopes what is written here enlightens and educates those fortunate enough to not understand the demons chronicled.
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