Unwanted hiatus

I love writing. I have a wonderful journal that has owls all over it. I love birds too. Every evening I sit and write in my journal about my day. I include things I may want to reference at a future date. For example, today I would write down that the Christmas lights were put up on the screen house frame. Sometimes it comes in handy to know when that was done in case next year I am wondering, “When did I do that last year?” Is it too early?” (Although for me it is NEVER too early to decorate for Christmas.)

I haven’t been able to write in my journal for a week now.

I have also grown to love typing in this journal format called blogging. It helps me to be able to backspace when I don’t think I said something quite right. Blogging also includes thoughts and observations that I wish to share whereas my owl journal often contains things only I would care about or that I would want only me eyes to read.

I haven’t been able to type much either.

Last week, I lost the use of my right hand. I am right handed. That makes it difficult to write or type much. Typing is easier since I can hit keys with my left hand and the letters are very readable. I am getting better at writing with my left hand, but it is still obvious that it is not my stronger hand.

I am praying, as are others, that this is a temporary loss. Believe me when I say that the what-if fears have tried very hard to weasel their way into my thinking. I have entertained these thoughts. It was not a good thing to do. Fear is a powerful thing when given free reign in a mind. I am thankful for those who are praying for me, especially in the darkest of times when my mind isn’t thinking as clearly as I know it should. I have felt the shame of allowing those times to linger. As I told our pastor, I felt like a failure after giving into those fears and not trusting God. The truth is, I do believe God’s got this; He is in control and has a purpose and I TRUST Him.  Sometimes, though, it is comforting to know that others are praying the same things for me. I am so thankful for these friends. 🙂

All that said, my writings will have to be sporadic until things improve. I am believing they will improve. I just don’t know how or when. God does though. As my left hand has developed a tremor, I wonder if it is of the same reason or maybe because it is being asked of so much more than it is used to giving? Regardless, I write as a therapy and don’t plan on stopping. I just need to spread entries out more and make them shorter. Not an easy task for one who has so many words to say.

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About becmom45

Wife of one, mom of four, mom-in-law to two, grammy to one precious little boy; lover of snow, autumn, pumpkins, cats, books, baking, Charles Wysocki puzzles, Christmas; honest, raw author who hopes what is written here enlightens and educates those fortunate enough to not understand the demons chronicled.
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