The first thought that came to my head as this post was forming there was, “Moving sucks”. As I thought about it though, I kind of decided that it isn’t moving that is so difficult per se, but rather that the move is occurring under difficult circumstances as well as the fact that the place being moved to is a compromise. It isn’t the perfect place that I dreamed of at one time. Maybe that place doesn’t even exist anywhere but in my imagination. Regardless, now that the holidays are just about over, the tree is down, and visitors have, for the most part, returned to their respective homes, the move is looming large in my thoughts.
I have thought through the pros and cons of moving. These have also been pointed out to me by others–my husband first and foremost, along with friends, pastors, and family members. In some ways, I agree with them. Moving puts us closer to our church and will eliminate the dread of driving ice covered country roads to get there. Moving eliminates the need for getting the lawn cut and the driveway cleared of snow. Moving gives us a two car garage so that my husband’s car can also be under cover. Given Minnesota’s tendency to hail storms, that is a good thing. Moving means less square feet to keep clean, although there will still be stairs for me to navigate. I know all these and agree with them as being positive reasons to move.
Yet, my mind tends to dwell on the negative outcomes that will be the end result of our choice. Moving from a house to a townhouse automatically means the loss of some privacy. In our house, there are no other people that share a wall. I kind of enjoy being able to come and go without the knowledge of people living 50 feet from my door. A townhouse community has rules. I spent some time tonight reading through the lease we already signed. Among the more difficult ones for me to accept are no wind chimes, no bird feeders, no clothesline, no apparatus that would allow me to hang a flag outside, and no hooks on any of the doors. The raised bed gardens that sit outside our house now will not go with us. Other inconveniences include the fact that the garage is not attached. On rainy days or snowy and icy days, the walk across the driveway will not be fun. The extra freezer that now sits in our attached garage, while it is moving with us, will not be nearly as accessible for me. Carrying groceries inside is going to be much more difficult. The kitchen in our house now is a dream kitchen–cupboard and counter space like I’ve never had before and a large pantry with sliding drawers. The townhouse kitchen is probably a third of the size of what I have now with little counter space and fewer cupboards to store all my kitchen goodies.
I’ve heard that any situation is what you make it to be. I know by dwelling on the losses I am only making things harder for myself. Yet, it is the losses that stare me in the face and make me sad. How I wish we could have been in a position to buy a place. The choices would have been much more plentiful if that were the case. Perhaps we could have found somewhere that would at least have some of the features whose loss breaks my heart. My dad used to say, “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” I get it. I understand we don’t always get what we want in life. I live with that fact every day actually as I deal with health issues. What I am trying to remember is that whatever type of home I live in, it is not my eternal home. Jesus said that He is preparing a place for me in heaven–a place that my imagination cannot even fathom. I know my eternal destiny isn’t disappointment in not being able to hang my wind chimes or my Christmas flags. The fact that I know that, though, doesn’t take away the sadness of what I see now as loss. It probably doesn’t help that the whole process is completely overwhelming to me. I look around at things we now have that I know will not be going with us. I wonder how to decide about things that maybe shouldn’t be going with us, yet I am not sure what I will do without them.
Maybe I have to admit that moving does suck…at least when one is moving not to something that is carefully chosen but rather to the only thing that fits the criteria needed. I know I should be thankful that we even have a home to live in and the option to move at all. I am trying. I really am. Maybe it will just take some time to get used to. One thing I do know is that there is no way I can face this and keep something even remotely close to a positive attitude on my own. This is something that God is going to need to do in me. I’m asking Him to do just that and praying that He answers this prayer with a yes.