Today is not shaping up to be one of my good days. In fact, this week is going to be a very difficult week. As usual, I turn to writing to help me process some of what is going through my head. One thing that I have learned–and it has taken me a long time to learn it–is that the days of life ebb and flow like the waves of a sea. On windy and stormy days, the waves are high and extra precaution must be taken if one is in or near them. The wind and storms, though, don’t last forever. At some point, the seas will calm and allow for smooth sailing once again. On days like today, even when they seem to stretch on into weeks, I try to remember that this is not forever. In fact, some day, when my life on earth is over, I will live eternally in a place where all the tears will be wiped away forever–there will be no more sadness, no more depression, no more disease, no more pain, no more loss, no more death. On days like this, I cling desperately to that hope. The ironic thing is that I really love cloudy, dreary, rainy days. I feel so alive when I hear the rain fall! Somebody once told me that I was wired backwards. Maybe. Or maybe that is just how God made a few of us. (I haven’t met too many others like me, but I have met a few) After all, if everything God makes is good, isn’t rain then good? Isn’t snow then good? Isn’t wind and cold then good? And, yes, even sunshine must then be good. Maybe God created a minority of us to thank Him for the weather that the majority complain about. Regardless, the sunshine and warmer temperatures outside my window right now do nothing to alleviate the heaviness and sadness that weigh me down today. Today is one of those days that I could really use a friend. Having only lived in our new home just over a week, though, there are no friends to be found…at least not human ones. Again, I cling to the fact that the One who created me sees my loneliness today, that He sees my depression today, and that He understands all of why today is not a good day. I understand some of what is making this day–this week–so difficult, but do not understand the depth of the loneliness that I’m feeling today. I also remind myself that even though the loneliness is a very real feeling, in reality, I am not alone. The Psalmist said:
“I lift up my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.” (Ps. 121:1-2)
Yes, this day of sadness and loneliness may last and even stretch into two days, or three, or even a week. But it will not last forever. My forever is guaranteed by the One who saved me–guaranteed to be full of joy and free of anything that comes even close to being the opposite of that. As I fight the high waves of depression and sadness today, and most likely throughout the week, I know my head will be kept above the water. It may feel as though I will go under never to resurface, but feelings are fickle. The truth is that God will not let me drown in this sadness.
Today, I write to remind myself of this truth, for today, I really need to be reminded of it.