Colored Spaces

Having Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) means more often than not, I am trying to live my life alongside some degree of depression. The degree can vary. It can be influenced by weather, number of changes going on at any given time, relationships, both positive and negative ones, diet, or thought patterns. It sometimes is all of the above. Sometimes, it is none of the above, meaning the dark clouds swoop in and envelop my world for no obvious reason. I am finding myself in this spot right now. This is the nature of the beast. My MDD apparently is treatment resistant. That basically means I have tried multiple medications, but none have really worked well enough for me to say I have a high quality of life. I’ve written before about my disdain for medication, especially mental health medication. The process is trial and error, and in trying several remedies, I have to be prepared for all the side effects that could come with the drug. Some side effects are okay with me; if the medication helps even a little bit, but it gives me a headache or makes me tired I’m okay with that. On the other hand, if the side effects cause extreme nausea or makes me too dizzy to stand up, I usually tend to ask to move on to a different one. Of course, complicating the matter are the other diagnoses I have, including several autoimmune disorders. Too often I feel like a walking pharmacy: and expensive, walking pharmacy.

Recently I found a website that is comprised of writings by all kinds of people on all kinds of topics. The mental health crisis in the United States is vast. This lends itself to large numbers of people writing about their experiences with mental health issues. A few nights ago, I stumbled across a collection of articles written about depression. They number greater than fifty. I have not even gotten close to reading them all, but I spent 2 hours that night riveted to my computer screen, nodding in agreement every ten minutes or so. Some of the authors are professionals, people like psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, educators, and scientists. Some are written by normal people who unfortunately have experience in the field. One article in particular caught my eye. Its title: “Do we Really Feel Better in Blue Spaces?”.

The term “blue spaces” refers to a place by water, usually the ocean, but it can also include lakes, rivers, streams, or waterfalls. Coincidentally, I was talking about this same subject with my husband the other day. If I can get away from home, if my anxiety allows me to enjoy it, the one place I would pick every time would be somewhere along the southern Atlantic Ocean. There are many beaches along that stretch. My favorite, probably because it’s the only beach on the Atlantic I’ve visited, is Cocoa Beach. It is about an hour’s drive from Orlando. We have visited several times. The year 2015 was our visit to Cocoa Beach and my first time seeing the ocean. I fell in love with it. It wasn’t until after going back a couple times that I realized while on the beach, I felt better both mentally and, to a little degree, physically. The sound of the waves rolling in was music to my ears. I could have stayed all night on the beach listening to it. Even the heat of the Florida sun in late August didn’t bother me as long as I was by the water. The smell of the salt air filled me with a peace words can’t describe. The salt water seemed to soothe the chaos of my mind, and while there, I can honestly say I enjoyed life. I know there is healing in the ocean. I enjoy being by any body of water, really. I don’t swim in lakes or rivers anymore, but I love the peacefulness of sitting by one. I grew up on an island and often swam in the river that surrounded it. Science has shown, though, that the most benefits from blue spaces are derived from being at the sea-side.

Not to be left out, the article also discusses “green spaces”. In this case green spaces are forests, although it did make clear that any place that has groups of trees can have the same effect. Walking a path through miles of trees is something I thoroughly enjoy. This past summer my husband and I visited a state park that is only 30 miles or so from us. We have lived in east central Minnesota for twenty-six years and have never visited this park, despite passing the sign for it most every time we went somewhere. It was a breath taking walk. The path was not paved–my favorite kind–and led deep into the center of the park. The mosquitos were a bit rough. Next time we will get better bug spray. Still, there was a calmness walking among the trees. The sun was shaded by the tree cover, and there was just enough wind to rattle the leaves on the tree. There is also, coincidentally, a lake in the park where turtles often swim. We stood by the lake for a little while watching for any sign of one but did not see any. I didn’t want the hike to end. The air seemed fresher. The realization that I was surrounded by other living things–trees, grass, weeds, flowers, birds, squirrels and other life found among the woods came to me with new meaning. Of course I know trees are a living thing. It just hit differently when I looked up and noticed how small I was compared to the circles of trees around me.

What is it that makes blue and green spaces so magical? According to the science noted in the article,

“The research suggests that the fluid movement of the water as well as the free, open space of the environment help boost the mood in the moment and can reduce negative thoughts and feelings.”

These spaces are also the source of life. Without water there would be no blue. Without blue there would be no green. Without green there would be no life. The water and trees are essential to our human bodies. God designed us that way. We need to inhale what plants exhale. Our bodies can go longer without food than they can without water. Perhaps putting ourselves intentionally in blue and green spaces is the best medication available. As my husband and I were discussing all of this, I pointed out that no doctor I have ever had has given me information on how nature can be so balancing for me. No, doctors, at least all I have had, rely on pharmaceuticals to make life better. The reality is they usually can’t do an adequate job, and if they do, how great is an “adequate” quality of life?

I wish I lived near the ocean. I can’t imagine how different my life might be if I had access to its healing effect. For now I have to hope that we can continue to visit the sea-side. I will take in as much healing as I can and pray it will last for a time. I will walk into the salt water rushing up around my ankles and let the water carry my darkness back out with it. I will breathe the salt air and hear the roar of the ocean, and, for a time, all will be right with my world.